He will survive!

 

I found this disturbing picture here!

 

I don't know what to call it, I don't know why it happens and I don't know why it chooses me, but the real truth is that even after he puts me in a berlinda of my sanity, after I have lost many hours and days of work and even after all that I want my HP back. Oh gosh, I love that computer!

For about 4 months he has given me some signs that things were not good by his side. First of all one of the USB ports died, then wireless adapter and bluetooth, then mouse didn't work after sleep mode, then touchscreen decided to join the crash list. And few days ago, black screen! It I turn it on, the lights will blue my office and the fan will work for few minutes but that's it! Even a single and simple sigh I can't get from him anymore. 

Making a long story short, I'm having problems with Nvidia for long time. Is HP or this Nvidia the real issue?!?!

Well, what I know is that right now my HP Pavilion TX2000 is in his way to the HP's hospital. Hopefully the doctors will recover my little baby and give me the news I'm waiting for: "He is in critical condition, but he will survive"!  

Back on August 29th, 2008, I wrote about my crazy "The computer curse". I really thought I was done with that. Poor me, so naive!

Well, I have no other choice than be here, waiting for the diagnostic. Let's see!

Small doses of great things

I just realized how hard is to get back to old habits when we "forget" about them if there is a way of forgetting something that we use to rely on? And also I realized that once away for too long from old habits, it gets harder to get back to it in a regular basis as I like to. I may apply this "realization" in other fields of my life...

I really enjoy blogging or writing and I kept doing that, I just didn't hit the "publish post" orange button and I've cluttered, in a good way, my draft box with many many unpublished posts.

Looking at my Posting box, I noticed that Blogger has saved automatically zillions of posts that are waiting patiently to be finished, or edited, or published or deleted. I just had no idea how things got this far! How did I get into this procrastinate stage? How did I get into 44? How did I get into this crazy anxiety? Oh boy! Just kidding!

I have so many different thoughts in my mind lately and so little patient to deal with them or to give them the necessary attention... They are urging to get out in the form of thoughts and get into the form of done. My mind also has saved many post into some files. Files that must be checked and/or rechecked. I need to treat my mind as I treat my closet: keep what fits, donate what is in good shape but I don't need anymore and trash what is in terrible shape. That's a good cleaning up for a new year that just started!

Since I got back from Brasil, wow long time ago, I'm living more than away from everything and everybody. I traveled, I got sick, I got well, got sick again, traveled, worked, studied, got sick, worked, studied, went to the hospital, rested to recover, still resting to recover from many emotional and physical stresses... I mean, nothing out of my normality!

Emotional stress is really what put me in bed. It makes me so weak that I can't move, adding to it the usual daily pain from fibromyalgia and you can have a nice pic of what my days are being. Thank God I don't care much about all that and I set my circus around me to be able to keep going. Is it easy? Of course not, but what is easy anyway?

Being away from home for long and without having any clue when I'm going be back, added layers to already existent ones. I'm able to understand better things that were unclear before, and the most important, I'm learning how to let it go as a great part of my well-being. I know my limits now and I just don't fight against it anymore. It was kind of easy to figure it out, mainly because this exhaustive fighting put me in bed for days.

Now is like, if I can't deal with I simply let it go. No arguing with myself. No empty discussions.

Well, I managed to put few unpublished posts together to make this one and also I programed others to be published ahead. They are all done, just waiting to come out on the specific day I set them up.

Most of the posts will be just pics, what is an effort to keep my Blog updated. I really didn't like to be away that long.

Well, I hope it isn't too late to wish everybody a great 2010. Thank you for the emails and best wishes. They really mean a lot to me!

Pink Ipê, Tabebuia, is one of the wonders of my place!
One of the most beautiful trees I ever saw!
It reminds me who I am and where I belong to!

Leandro and Maria Luíza. I love you guys!

Having breakfast on the floor.
Of course my mother wasn't around.
She would never allow such a thing.
The mattress on the living room floor?
If she dreams of it...
Don't worry mom, we are just having fun!

Movie night at Municipal Old Market. A cult place now in Uberlândia!

Beautiful hot nights of winter....
It sounds strange, I agree!

My dearest cousin/best-friend-forever André

My surprise birthday's party!
It was soooooooo cool!!

"Dada, Dadá, Tia Dadá
The best of your birthday,
is that you are here!
Congratulations
Your family who loves you"

Vegetable Pie that I LOVE very much, made by my mother!

Marcos, my brother, playing with his lovely kids!

Maria is flying high!

Márcio, the baby, kicked Marly and we got crazy to feel it!
Some got crazier than others I can say... :)

Marcelo and Leandro attacking Marly's birthday cake

The beauties!
My mother, Auntie Vera, SIL Márcia, Coisinha,
Maria Luíza, Moi-même, SIL Marly and Márcio

Maria Luíza and I having dinner at my dearest
best-friend-forever/"twin"sister Claúdia!

Maria Luíza helping my mother with the cooking, better, with the chopping!

What can I do? I must carry books around...

Thanks for the massage sweety!
My legs were in deep need of it!

Tubal Vilela Square, downtown , Uberlândia.
I just love how this city keeps the atmosphere of a small town.

13 de Maio St, where I learned
how to walk,
how to ride a bike,
how to fly.

My SIL Márcia and my mother in an event at Maria Luíza's school

Ah Tupaciguara...
your sons and daughters leave you, but you don't leave us!

I had a wonderful childhood!
This tree watched everything closely!

One of Márcia's specialties: beans!
It's sooooooooo delicious!

Oh God, I love this dish! It's simple, therefore very tasty!

Maria Luíza playing grow up!
The funniest thing is...
I have a lot to learn from her!

"Festa Junina", at Maria's school.
It's a celebration that takes place only in June
to celebrate saints
Anthony, John and Peter
with lots of traditional foods, drinks and a theatrical dance
inherited from the French called quadrilha (a type of square dance).

Sunday at 6:30AM, end of the night, at the Bueno Brandão St, Tupaciguara.
My friends and I didn't sleep all night long.
Just having fun!
We ended up at the bakery to have breakfast.
That day, we got home around 9 am! We are in shape!

The beginning of the night!
Clockwise: Me, Helenise, Maria Cecília and Daniela!
Thank you guys for the wonderful time!

Once again...

What a lovely day!
I had fever all day long, then I had a small car accident, then I came home and another earthquake hit Taiwan again! And I'm not being redundant. here!

I will never get used to earthquake. Never! Taiwaneses keep saying to me that it is normal, but I really can't take it. I get scared, very scared indeed, every single time I feel the floor under my feet shaking. I feel really terrified when I see the chandelier swinging. I feel extremelly uncomfortable when I see my desk moving by itself.

When Taiwan shakes I shake also. It has a terrible impact on me. I really, really can't take this constant shakings.

Oscar on Monday morning....

I love to watch the Oscar. I always did and I wait for it anxiously!
I got used to be awake all night long waiting for the red carpet and then to the real and glorious moments to get know who will take Mr. Oscar home.

Every single year I get mad because of my favorites didn't get much. Every single year I swear to myself that I will never watch the Oscar again and every single year I break my word. I guess it belongs to the gossip part of being a Oscar's fan!

Now if there is something strange is watching the award on Monday mornings. It's so so bizarre for me. No all night long, no cuddle myself on the sofa, no...nothing...

It's almost 8AM here in Taiwan of Monday and guess what...I didn't sleep yet!
May be I was pretending I was waiting for the show on it's "right time". So, I spent all night long copying and saving and organizing files from one USB hard drive to another, backing up everything because I almost lost all my data such as work and pictures and songs and videos and so on.
Hopefully the cyber angels were not too hard on me and allowed me to do the job before everything is gone. Thank God you exist! Thank you guys! lol

Well, let me see if the Oscar is on, because the day is up already.

Yeah!!!

Yeah, tomorrow is another day!

All the feelings

What a day?
Thank God is another day already and everybody knows that tomorrow is always another day!
It's raining heavily and I hope this water that falls now can wash away all the little dust that took my smile away from some hours today.

As we can experiment all the seasons in just one day, I guess today I experimented all the feelings a heart can take. Really!

Sometimes the world is just too heavy and it doesn't fit perfectly on my shoulders. Oh by the way, I'm so glad the day has just 24 hours.

Already Know Me

It's a calm day outside. It's a busy day inside.
I have so much to do, but a huge wave full of lethargy just insists in not letting me alone. Along, it brought me a desire of being with those who understand my silence.

I wish I could call a old friend and invite her/him to have lunch with me today to celebrate life.

I wish I could stop by at my sister-in-laws' home, pick them up and drive away listening to our favorite songs laughing good.

I wish I could hug my cute toothless niece tightly right now, and jump on bed reading fairy tales to her.

I wish I could just be with my beloved ones, those ones I don't need to introduce myself because they already know me...yeah, they already know me!

Happy Valentine!!!

By me

Merry Christmas!!

On the road again...

I'm packing now! Oh God, I love to travel so much and this time it will be a huge trip!
I'm going to Africa in few hours, specifically Nigeria to spend Christmas and New Year and from there I'll go to Brasil.

I'll be back in Taiwan just in February!

I want to thank everyone who comes to visit my blog, also thank all blogger friends who having supporting me and caring about me all those 3 years. You guys have no idea how important you are in my life!

I'll blog very sporadicly since I guess I'll have no time to spend on the computer. it will be a lot of things to see, a lot of people to know, a lot of things to learn... just the way I love!

I gotta go! My flight will be in few hours and I have a lot do still!!

What to do...

When Right Seems Wrong

and

Wrong Seems Right

Chinese Torture

When Brasil was facing a dictatorship, the term "Chinese torture" became well known among those who were considering enemies of the state or labeled as subversive.

It was very well spread and for mere morbid curiosity I read about this sophisticate and highly well developed psychological tortures that the Chinese created to be as painful as the human body can resist! It is based on the almost infinite repetition of single move, sound, word, and even laugh!

Unfortunately I don't have a better word to call what is happening in my home since 7:30AM than Chinese torture.

So far I'm being torture for more than 8 hours uninterruptedly and it is really driving me crazy already. I really don't know how people resist to that for weeks!
I already called the front desk of the building asking them to stop that music and noise and the answer I got was that the noise for more than 8 hours uninterrupted is necessary to fix the speakers.

Speakers? Yes, speakers! I have no idea why there is a speaker inside each apartment as you can see in the pic bellow. This speaker "speaks" extremely loud and usually very early in the morning making me very scared. Every single time I'm awake by this noisy noise or I'm surprised in the middle of the afternoon by someone talking inside my home, that by the way is a very silence place, I feel I'm into 1984. 1984 is a novel by George Orwell where the population is observed by the government 24/7 and from where the term "big brother" came out.

I'm not complaing in vain, I'm really not. It's one of the most annoying sensations I ever tried in my life. I really don't like it and worse, it really scares me to death!

So, for almsot 9 hours now I'm being "distracted" by Taiwanese music and/or someone speaking without stopping in my living room. The music didn't stop for one second and sometimes someone speaks over it. I already closed the door of my office, put an earphone and nothing can make this noise to at least disturb less.

I'm trying to finish writing a proposal, but it seems impossible. And I also got a headache along with it and there is no Advil that can help me out.

I'm just wondering what they want me to confess...and to be honest, I can confess anything to stop that Chinese torture over my mind!

The living room and the speaker, above on right corner!

The speaker!

Feeding America

Today an order from amazon.com arrived, yeah more books, and for the first time I got some flyers adverting philanthropic organizations.

Usually those flyers are about new books or discount coupons but this time it was about hunger in the USA.

What called my attention on this one I posted below, was not that 1 in 8 United State people doesn't have what to eat, but how it increased in 6 years.

When I was living in Blacksburg, VA, I used to listen to public radio and I remember how surprise I got when I heard for the first time that people were suffering for not having what to eat in the USA. It was a real shock for me, because I never thought that this society problem was present also in rich-organized "1st countries". I really thought it was a topic from developing countries only!

So, back there the statistic showed that 1 in 4 people were struggling with hunger and now it is 1 in 8 as the non-governamental organization Feeding America shows and I'm not surprise at all, unfortunatelly.

Thank God things are changing and I do hope that those unfortunate people can get not "just" a full plate of food but a job, education and their dignity back!

Unpredictable Taoyuan

Charming Cottage, Taoyuan-Taiwan

I do love the unpredictable way of things here in Taiwan and how it affects my life!

It's raining daily again, and days are getting darker and colder. I opened the curtains of my bedroom today around 10AM, and all I could see was cloudy gray sky, cold and rain. Usually I would spend some time looking to the city that lives on my huge window but I had a meeting with my adviser at 11 and I couldn't get any flying thoughts about my life in Taiwan, in a cloudy gray sky day. So I got ready for it. I made a hot chocolate and turned my laptop on.

At 10:45 she came online, we had our meeting and I decided to drive a little. Driving in Taiwan is a really really serious business since we never know if cars and/or scooters will come from left or right or front. Well, I'll write about that another day because it really needs an especial post.
So, I drove for while without paying much attention to where I was going. I was driving away, away from everything and everywhere. Left and right were not just directions but momentaneous and alternatives way that took me to the unknown. I just allowed the streets conducted me to blind directions I suddenly decided to go! I was choosing where to go, where to speed up, where to speed down. I was in the command of my own will and I was the only one who could decide what would be my next move.

The red lights made me stop many times and the green lights just keep me going.

New streets, new windows, new 7 elevens were passing by me in my new ways. The busy Taiwan’s streets kept my mind calm in a strange balance. The music, Nigerian hip hop, was loud and made me smile. I could feel how great each musical note could participate in my noisy and confuse but still meditation.

After many turns, I noticed I was few meters away from the entrance of one of the malls of Taoyuan, where I’ve found the best espresso of the region. As coffee lover, I had no doubt and I might stop. So, I did stop by for a hot well-built shot. It isn’t my dream espresso I must say, but it is the best one I can get over here and I’m very satisfied with that! It isn’t perfect as the Italian espressos, made in Italy only, that I really miss drinking, however it’s far better than those tinted water they serve in Switzerland and France and call it espresso.

Anyway, before going down to B2 floor to get my espresso, I went up 8^th floor to browse some bookmarks at Eslite bookstore. They just have the most exquisite ones and I love all kinds of bookmarks! Just right next to the bookstore there is a bistrot called “Charming Cottage” and I use to go there quite often. The food is delicious, the decoration reminds me of Besançon, France, where I had the great pleasure to live for some months when I was living in Europe. So, this bistrot is really cute and the music is also just right!

I got some bookmarks that I was wanting and 2 magazines, InStyle and Real Simple and I went to have lunch at the bistrot. As soon as I walked in, I got completely shivered. In a raining dark day, in a bistrot in Taoyuan, around 4PM, Djavan sings Sina. Djavan is one of my very favorite Brazilian singers and he writes almost all his songs! His work is very well done, well cooked, it has a dash of sophistication inside the Brazilian beat! His songs are amazing and my all time favorite song was playing when I stepped into the place.Wow, what an unpredictable moment.

Suddenly my eyes got full of tears and I couldn’t stop smiling. The expressions on my face was kind of confuse even to myself. The waiter came to get my order and I’m sure she didn’t get until now what was going on...tears in a smiling face of a woman with curly hair that was singing in a strange language! Too much for sure!

Life is indeed full of unexpected turns!

With a huge smile on my wet tearful face and singing “Sina” in a bistrot in Taoyuan, Taiwan, I ordered Cesar Salad!

Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter

"The Blowers Daughter"
by Damien Rice

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

Is "he" coming today?

I'm burning up in fever right now. I'm having this routine for long time and it doesn't bother me anymore, even though I'm not happy about it. It's so constant, so present, so accurate!

In fact, the only thing I'm positive daily is that I'm gonna have fever! Everything else is so ephemeral, so vague, so voluble!

My fever became a kind of date, I mean, every day I know "he" is coming to see me. He warms me up, let me a little dizzy with so much involvement, demands that I stop what I'm doing and I just follow him without any contest... and I can't contest...he is stronger than I'm.

My date fever loves to surprises me and I never know what time he is coming. I just know that he never misses our dates or he never let me waiting in vain. I don't need to anxiously wonder whether he is coming, because he doesn't let me waiting much! I have a gentleman fever!

But I know this love is not going to last! I'm waiting for the day he is going to leave me and I'm afraid I'm gonna miss the warmness that disturb my days immensely!

Yes, high fever can provoke delirium, or not...