One day, driving around in Uberlândia I noticed how empty the streets were. It always seemed to be so crowd for me and soon, I got myself wondering where did the people and car go?
This interrogation was
divagating on my mind for days. I talked to few friends about it, and all of them just had the opposite thought, that Uberlândia was crowder than ever.
I really didn't get. But since my brother and my mother don't live in downtown area, I decided to drive to the busiest spot in the city to check what was going on. Uberlândia has wide well cared avenues crossing the city in all directions, a good traffic system, about 700 thousand inhabitants and a joke that it has more cars than people. So, how come this emptiness feeling got me?
Well, while I was driving my mother somewhere, she commented how crowded the city was and also that it has been complicated to drive around due to the number of cars and pedestrians. I laughed good saying that she needed to see how things work over here, in Taiwan. And then, an answer hit me: Space!
This was the answer for my dilemma. I realized that we do have space in Brasil what doesn't happen in Taiwan.
Just for the records, according to Wikipedia Taiwan's demographic density is
668/km² or 1,730/sq mi, while that of Brasil is
22/km2 or 57/sq mi. The difference is huge and it explains the desertic feeling I was having back there.
In Taiwan is almost impossible to get a street with no cars no people and/or no scooters. Usually they are everywhere, anytime day or night! Sometimes it sounds like a flash mob to me, I mean, it seems they all schedule to get out and be in just one place and doing the same thing.
It is really crowded due to the extension of the land and the high number of the population.
Besides that, there is another element that distinguishes my life here and my life in Brasil. Comparing those two countries, it's noticeable that routinely Taiwan is a noisy place and Brasil a quiet one. We speak in lower tone and we don't have this
disquietude going on on the streets as here. However inside my home the silence is imperative. I close the windows to block the crazy noisy noise from outside and sometimes the silence is so powerful that I can listen to my breathing.
This never happen when I'm in Brasil. I'm never alone. Even when I'm taking a shower Maria Luíza is talking to me. It's extremely rare a moment of solitude and I do enjoy all the frenzy.
I don't have a loud family but a loud brother. Marcos, my brother, he talks very loud and he loves it. He is an alive party! When we are bored he finds something to do to cheer us up and he always succeeded! Marcelo my youngest brother is low profile, but he is a joker, a practical one and extremely funny! And to complete the circus, my nephew and my niece are very active kids. They talk, sing, dance and there is no space for boredness around them. So cool! I love to hear happy children's voice around. It fulfills a home with so much joy! And I can't forget Márcio and the sound of his cute crying when he is being bathed!
So, as I was saying...there is no way to have a quiet moment if everybody is under the same roof!
Due to my cosmical silence, I get tired of the noisy sometimes willing for a minute without listening to anything...so I drive away. If Maria Luíza sees me leaving and she insists in coming, she doesn't talk much. It's one of our agreements. She knows that I'm trying to calm my mind down.
Here the opposite happens. I have the external noise that disappears as soon as I get home or close the windows because it doesn't belong to me. And in Brasil I have the internal one that follows me in my heart wherever I go!
Well, I've arrived for about 2 weeks now and I didn't go out yet as I'm used to. I went to a mall twice to have dinner, to Taipei to buy a cell phone and to Carrefour once and at 11PM. That's it!
What is going on with me? Am I scared of the noisy and crowdy Taiwan after 3 months in a "desert" or I just want to spend time at home, cuddling myself in my chair with my books, my music, my silence and my feelings? I really missed my nest though.
Besides everything, going to Brasil is always a turmoil of feelings, of expectations and it takes time to put me on the track of my emotions. Every single time I'm back I need to take a break from outside, doesn't matter where I'm living in, to get in touch with this turmoil and re-balance myself. It's a process I face since 1993, when I left Minas Gerais and moved to the south. For sure this was my biggest moving step.
Well, I'm back! Not 100% yet but I'm back home! I miss my friends deeply and I miss going to my massages and to the many nice cafés. But I need to be ready to go out, to get out there. I guess in few days my time will be up and I'll be ready to drive myself into the crowd again.
Wondering...is this just a sensation or one of the many metaphors of my life?