Happy Birthday!

Marcelo and Márcio, my eternal loves!

That handsome boy holding a cute baby is my brother Marcelo and his baby Márcio! What a gift from God! 

Today is Marcelo's birthday and he is turning 30. He got old! Now he is a father, he has his own family and above all that he is the maturest man I ever met. In fact, he was born like this!

Marcelo has faced many hard moments in his life and he goes through those odd moments with sad eyes and a shy smile on his face, trying to get sunny days, out of the mess, with his sharp sense of humor. He does that because he isn't the type of a guy who complains or complains in vain. He talks about the immediate problem until he is satisfied or until he find time to fix it. Just a good observer can notice in his shy eyes that things are kind of complicate for his side. 

Marcelo is a constructor. He has this power to build and improve things and lives of everybody around him and he always maintains it. He constructs out of nothing and he makes his way through every single barrier. It has been this way since he was a little boy. He realized he was on his own at very early age. 

What is funny is that he loves a problem because he knows he can solve anything... From a broken shower to a broken heart. Once he told me that the time he thinks about our mother's issues is when he is taking a shower, meaning that even when he is taking a shower he doesn't relax.

Thanks to his organization skills he's able to administrate his store, his wife's clinic, my brother's finance, my nephew's sanity, my mother's issues and my annoyances with perfection. Of course we all fight with him, and of course we all don't know how to live without him.

Well, I love you Uru. You mean everything to me. I'm so proud of you and so happy to see how well you turned into adulthood.Welcome bro! (I'm glad you didn't publish Chevetão's videos...they would contradict me!)

To finish this love declaration I just need to thank you for that piece of cuteness called Márcio. Thanks for giving us one more reason to keep us going on.

Happy Birthday 

my baby!

Feliz Aniversário!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Dad!

I love you,
I always will!


At my 1st birthday party,
being held by my father!

Today my father would turn 71. Happy Birthday Dad!
I never had any doubt that you were and are the bestest father of all times and always will be. You were there, holding my hand when I was in need of it.
You were there drying my tears and saying that everything was going to be alright.
You were there to remind me I was a good girl.
You were there, on the stairs of my elementary school, bringing yogurt, so I could try it to the very first time.
You never let me alone.
You never made fun of my clumsiness.
You would do everything to stop my hurt feelings.
You were always the one I trusted blindly.
You are the only one who trusted me blindly.
You always made sure I was following my own ways, giving me the security I could come back if something went wrong.
You never judge me.
You never doubt me.
You were always proud of your blondy.
You taught me how to ride a bike, a motorcycle, a car and a life fearless.
You always made me laugh.
You took my problems seriously, and you used to make sure I could see all sides of it and let me choose what to do.
You always accepted me the way I'm, without trying to fit me in any other model.
You were always there for me, by my side, even when I chose the wrong side.
You were always by my side. Always!

It's your 71st birthday today and God gave me the best gift of all times: My father

Snowing Nights

"Just Go" by me

How can we understand what goes inside a woman's heart!
I'm feeling nostalgic and a little confuse I must confess. I'm missing snowing nights. I'm really missing snowing nights.

Not all snowing nights, but the first snowfall of the season! There is something magical about it, especially for a tropical girl like me.
I'm missing, at this moment, walking under the first snowfall of the season, at night.

I'm missing the crisp cold air, bringing snowflakes against my face, my hair... There is an unreal unexplainable beauty about it.

Inside a woman's heart...infinite mysteries, eternal nostalgia, supreme contradiction, atemporal feelings, unreachable sadness, unconditional love, enigmatic solitude... missing snowing nights...

Cuddling time

One day, driving around in Uberlândia I noticed how empty the streets were. It always seemed to be so crowd for me and soon, I got myself wondering where did the people and car go?

This interrogation was divagating on my mind for days. I talked to few friends about it, and all of them just had the opposite thought, that Uberlândia was crowder than ever.

I really didn't get. But since my brother and my mother don't live in downtown area, I decided to drive to the busiest spot in the city to check what was going on. Uberlândia has wide well cared avenues crossing the city in all directions, a good traffic system, about 700 thousand inhabitants and a joke that it has more cars than people. So, how come this emptiness feeling got me?

Well, while I was driving my mother somewhere, she commented how crowded the city was and also that it has been complicated to drive around due to the number of cars and pedestrians. I laughed good saying that she needed to see how things work over here, in Taiwan. And then, an answer hit me: Space!
This was the answer for my dilemma. I realized that we do have space in Brasil what doesn't happen in Taiwan.

Just for the records, according to Wikipedia Taiwan's demographic density is 668/km² or 1,730/sq mi, while that of Brasil is 22/km² or 57/sq mi. The difference is huge and it explains the desertic feeling I was having back there.

In Taiwan is almost impossible to get a street with no cars no people and/or no scooters. Usually they are everywhere, anytime day or night! Sometimes it sounds like a flash mob to me, I mean, it seems they all schedule to get out and be in just one place and doing the same thing.
It is really crowded due to the extension of the land and the high number of the population.

Besides that, there is another element that distinguishes my life here and my life in Brasil. Comparing those two countries, it's noticeable that routinely Taiwan is a noisy place and Brasil a quiet one. We speak in lower tone and we don't have this disquietude going on on the streets as here. However inside my home the silence is imperative. I close the windows to block the crazy noisy noise from outside and sometimes the silence is so powerful that I can listen to my breathing.

This never happen when I'm in Brasil. I'm never alone. Even when I'm taking a shower Maria Luíza is talking to me. It's extremely rare a moment of solitude and I do enjoy all the frenzy.

I don't have a loud family but a loud brother. Marcos, my brother, he talks very loud and he loves it. He is an alive party! When we are bored he finds something to do to cheer us up and he always succeeded! Marcelo my youngest brother is low profile, but he is a joker, a practical one and extremely funny! And to complete the circus, my nephew and my niece are very active kids. They talk, sing, dance and there is no space for boredness around them. So cool! I love to hear happy children's voice around. It fulfills a home with so much joy! And I can't forget Márcio and the sound of his cute crying when he is being bathed!

So, as I was saying...there is no way to have a quiet moment if everybody is under the same roof!

Due to my cosmical silence, I get tired of the noisy sometimes willing for a minute without listening to anything...so I drive away. If Maria Luíza sees me leaving and she insists in coming, she doesn't talk much. It's one of our agreements. She knows that I'm trying to calm my mind down.

Here the opposite happens. I have the external noise that disappears as soon as I get home or close the windows because it doesn't belong to me. And in Brasil I have the internal one that follows me in my heart wherever I go!

Well, I've arrived for about 2 weeks now and I didn't go out yet as I'm used to. I went to a mall twice to have dinner, to Taipei to buy a cell phone and to Carrefour once and at 11PM. That's it!

What is going on with me? Am I scared of the noisy and crowdy Taiwan after 3 months in a "desert" or I just want to spend time at home, cuddling myself in my chair with my books, my music, my silence and my feelings? I really missed my nest though.

Besides everything, going to Brasil is always a turmoil of feelings, of expectations and it takes time to put me on the track of my emotions. Every single time I'm back I need to take a break from outside, doesn't matter where I'm living in, to get in touch with this turmoil and re-balance myself. It's a process I face since 1993, when I left Minas Gerais and moved to the south. For sure this was my biggest moving step.

Well, I'm back! Not 100% yet but I'm back home! I miss my friends deeply and I miss going to my massages and to the many nice cafés. But I need to be ready to go out, to get out there. I guess in few days my time will be up and I'll be ready to drive myself into the crowd again.

Wondering...is this just a sensation or one of the many metaphors of my life?

Saturday Night...

Saturday Night Fever Chill

5:32AM of another Saturday night.
The bottle of red wine is empty.
I just drunk the last drop.
Tomorrow is up in Taiwan!

Harm

I don't know what can be

worse or more dangerous in my hands,

better on my fingers:

a well sharp cuticle nipper

or a dull one!

I remind myself!

There is nothing that I love the most than the surprises of life!

Plans changed!
Life changed!
Trip changed!

Everything change,

but

I remind myself!

I shall succeed

Irises, 1889, by Van Gogh

I am still far from being

what I want to be,

but with God's help

I shall succeed.

Vicent Van Gogh

An especial guest

A green scarab came to visit me!

This month I'm reading a lot about Akhenaton, the great pharaoh of Egypt. Since I was a child I got fascinated by Egypt, Sahara, the Nile and Akhenaton's son Tutankhamen and his wife Nefertiti.

I remember clearly how fascinated I was with those subjects in an early age of 6 years old. When I was 7, in 2nd grade, I was blessed enough to have a teacher who was a historian. She started telling us about the sacred Nile and I remember listening to her as she was telling us my own history. I got completely in trance and I didn't miss one single word. How I loved the melody of her voice talking about Akhenaton. Her eyes sparkled because she was really in love with the Egypt history as well.

Akhenaton was brave enough to introduce the monotheist worship of a God without face, which was symbolized by the sun, Aton. He used the sun to try to explain to the Egypt population that God does care about every single one, just like the sun warms every single person or place without distinction of color, race. But the Egyptian wasn't prepared for such an illuminist and Akhenaton was assassinated as well his wife Nefertiti and his 5 daughters and later also the young pharaoh Tutankhamen and his wife/sister also was assassinated to try to erase definitely the thoughts of this great man, Akhenaton.

I really love everything about him and his wonderful ideas. He was the pharaoh of Egypt 3000 years before Christ and he was a man ahead of his time. All his actions were to promote peace among the men and countries. He freed the slaves but the slaves were not prepared to be free and they got mad on this fantastic man.

By the way in Portuguese, Nile is Nilo the name of my father.

One afternoon my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Berenice asked us what was the name of the river that crossed Egypt and one little girl said "It's the name of Leandra's father!". Everybody laughed good and I got very proud. I love to remember that!

Well, one of the symbols of Egypt was the scarab, also known by the name Kheper. Today I was going to change the flowers and I saw a green scarab on a lily. I got completely shivered. I live in the 12th floor and I a scarab decided to visit me in the same day I was finishing a book about Akhenaton.

I love those little surprises and I hope one day Egypt will understand the amazed man Akhenaton was , the greatest pharaoh of all times!

Akhenaton and his family praying to Aton!

The great pharaoh Akhenaton

My pain has a name

I'm tired! I'm very very tired.
I don't remember being this tired ever before.

I go to the gym regularly, I eat very healthily that sometimes I need to set a photo log to show my doctors what I've ate daily because they don't believe I do eat that health. I go to SPA 3 times a week and besides taking 14 pills daily I have a pretty nice life style.

So, what is making me that tired? I can barely get up of the bad in the mornings and making my bed became a pain. Washing my hair is another story...my arms hurt badly as well. All me hurts!

Well, unfortunately I know why it hurts and it may be the cause I get so tired as well, even though I have a healthy lifestyle. Few weeks ago I was diagnosticed with fibromyalgia and according to the doctor it is on me for quite long.

What can I do than welcoming this long time guest!? All he asked me to do, I do already. The results? None, besides knowing that this crazy and constant pain I feel for very long time has a name and no cure.

As someone I love says...a problem without solution is already solved! That's my case!

Now that I know my pain has a name, I'm resting more. Sometimes as today, I move my office to my bed and I work comfortably with my legs up. My mattress is hard enough to not provoke any discomfort of long hours on it.

But what has helped to be able to rest my legs and work at the same time is the great shabby chic bed tray that my friend Vivian found at Piin store at Metro mall in Jungli! It is perfect! The base of the tray lifts, giving me a good inclination to rest books or my laptop on it.

I'm trying my best to stay away from more medicine and I don't like pain killer whatsoever. Sometimes I rather support the pain than taking it. Really!

Thank God I'm living in Taiwan and I have the greatest massagists ever that take a very good care of me not just in the professionals level but as very good friends. They are helping me wonderfully!

Oh God I'm feeling exaust today emotionally and physically! This is a hard week for me! The day is gray, the sun is on vacation! Good to stay home, resting the body a little.

Once again...

What a lovely day!
I had fever all day long, then I had a small car accident, then I came home and another earthquake hit Taiwan again! And I'm not being redundant. here!

I will never get used to earthquake. Never! Taiwaneses keep saying to me that it is normal, but I really can't take it. I get scared, very scared indeed, every single time I feel the floor under my feet shaking. I feel really terrified when I see the chandelier swinging. I feel extremelly uncomfortable when I see my desk moving by itself.

When Taiwan shakes I shake also. It has a terrible impact on me. I really, really can't take this constant shakings.

Clouds in my Coffee

I had some dreams,
They were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee, and...

(Carly Simon)

Mondays...

Mondays always kill me, smash me, crack me...
I do feel like Garfield
smashed by a
huge, bold, heavy
Monday!

Thank God it lasts only 24 hours!

So cozy...

I just opened my eyes, but I have no wish, nor will to get my body out of the bed. Of course it's raining once again, my room is dark, my bed is comfy, my books are waiting for me in my office and I just wanna be here, under the blankets.

I'm feeling extremely tired as I were working in a field without any rest for weeks. Even though my chair is very comfortable, it seems full of sharp nails, hurting me every time I sit on it.

Half part of me is asking for outside activity, half part of me wants to sleep for centuries, just like the doctor said...you need to sleep for at least one century! I really feel tired. My doctor said I'm going through depression right now, but I really don’t feel it. I feel overwhelm, I feel alone, I feel empty but...are these depression symptoms? I don't feel depressed at all. Well, sometimes I do, but since I'm not in Prozac, how come a woman, in her 43s, alone, doesn't feel depressed from time to time? Impossible, in my understanding! And besides, I'm doing everything I always wanted to do now!

However, I do feel my life is being drained away, but this feeling is not just mine I guess. I have hormones or I don't have hormones playing good and letting me out of my mind for quite awhile. And everybody knows, or every woman knows how hormones make up our feelings!

I miss sunshine days. Sunshine days have a powerful influence in my life. A very powerful influence I can say. Well, I guess I'll go out, since I'm being non-sense here. I'll drive to the next Starbucks and grab a mocha. May it will help a little.

Oh yeah, I need to take my pajamas off, brush my teeth, put some clothes on, get the elevator, go to the garage...it seems complicate. It's raining, raining heavily now!

It's so cozy under the blankets....

Cultural Shock in the Gym

Photo by Spencer Tunick!
18,000 people, Zocalo square, Mexico City

I just felt as I were in the middle of those 18.000 people today.

I'll explain:
Last month I got a huge urge to join a gym and start some fitness program again. I used to do it, and I was missing it a lot.
So, I found a very good one near my home. Just like less than 10 minutes driving it the transit were cooperative. Yes driving! Even thought Taiwan is a tiny country nobody uses to walk here because it's almost impossible to cross a street if not in normal walking areas. And this gym is at Taimall, a huge mall in Nankan.

Nankan is another citied just glued on the one I'm living now, Taoyuan. So walk to there is really impossible because there is a road separating the two cities.

Anyway...I got my gym bag and I happily drove to Extreme Fitness Center, hoping to get a relaxing sauna after the sweating session!

Well, before I got into the above picture, I must remember you that I'm from Brasil. That almost all year long sunshine days, with beautiful beaches and very tiny bikinis.

What it has to do with the gym and the pics?

As soon as I got at the gym, I went to change and as soon as I open the door of the female changing/restroom I got into a huge cultural shock. Every single woman over there were naked, completely naked. They were even blowing their hairs naked. Talking friendly to each other naked. Some of them were stretching just like in the picture above, naked.

Oh God, I really really got scared. I never saw such a scene in my life. If would be better if you don't try to imagine it, trust me!

Yes, I'm from Brasil and over there we use a very tiny bikini. That's true and I must admit I just buy really tiny bikinis even for Brazilian standards.
However I never went to a sauna in Brasil where 100% of the women were naked, talking as they were in a cafe. I never went to a changing room and see towels on the floor and women talking naked as they were in their living room. I never in my life saw so many women naked. It was around 50. I'm not kidding!

I guess I never changed my clothes so fast. I tried to find a corner where I could find an empty locker to put my bag and my clothes in and as soon I found it, it started getting crowed of naked women. Oh gosh, it was really embarrassing to me and I know for sure it would be embarrassing to every single Brazilian woman I know.

I sat on a bench to unzippering my boot and when I lifted my face it almost reached a naked ass. Firstly one woman bent over to put a shoes on! Then many follow her. It was also the first time I saw someone starting dressing from bottom to top, from shoes to T-shirt!. It isn't funny, I swear to God.

You may wondering how a Brazilian woman who walks on the beach wearing a tiny bikini can be shocked with such a scene! Well, it is simple. We do have a small bikini but we do wear one, and our bikinis are tiny but they cover what must/should be covered. And when we, Brazilian women, are in public changing room we do wrap ourselves with a towel.

Brasil is a catholic country and catholics usually think that naked body is offensive, or immoral, or even indecorous! We learn from early age that we can't be naked in front of people, especially those who are not close family!

And then on the other side of the world, I go to an innocent gym and a whole new world is out there, literally out there. I may sound prudish, but I am not, really!

Well, what I know is that I will from now on leave home wearing my gym clothes. I really didn't feel comfortable around so many naked asses!

Paella para mí! Paella for me!

My dinner today! Sooo delicious!

Oh God, have mercy!!

Sunday evening, cold weather...
It calls for a good red wine and comfort food!

Comfort food for me is something that I really feel embracing my soul already at the first bite. There are many dishes that I call comfort food and one of them is this delicious and beautiful Spanish dish called paella.
It's so simple to make and the aroma it spreads on the air is really fantastic.

The wine? A 2003 Tapeña, Garnacha!

My lifesaver!!

My lifesaver!!

I can't stop crying, I NEED tons of Ferrero Rocher!

I have a huge pain in my heart that is suffocating me to death! I may be ovulating like crazy or, on the other hand but in the same theme, my hormones are throwing a party and I wasn't even invited to it!