I remind myself!

There is nothing that I love the most than the surprises of life!

Plans changed!
Life changed!
Trip changed!

Everything change,

but

I remind myself!

So cozy...

I just opened my eyes, but I have no wish, nor will to get my body out of the bed. Of course it's raining once again, my room is dark, my bed is comfy, my books are waiting for me in my office and I just wanna be here, under the blankets.

I'm feeling extremely tired as I were working in a field without any rest for weeks. Even though my chair is very comfortable, it seems full of sharp nails, hurting me every time I sit on it.

Half part of me is asking for outside activity, half part of me wants to sleep for centuries, just like the doctor said...you need to sleep for at least one century! I really feel tired. My doctor said I'm going through depression right now, but I really don’t feel it. I feel overwhelm, I feel alone, I feel empty but...are these depression symptoms? I don't feel depressed at all. Well, sometimes I do, but since I'm not in Prozac, how come a woman, in her 43s, alone, doesn't feel depressed from time to time? Impossible, in my understanding! And besides, I'm doing everything I always wanted to do now!

However, I do feel my life is being drained away, but this feeling is not just mine I guess. I have hormones or I don't have hormones playing good and letting me out of my mind for quite awhile. And everybody knows, or every woman knows how hormones make up our feelings!

I miss sunshine days. Sunshine days have a powerful influence in my life. A very powerful influence I can say. Well, I guess I'll go out, since I'm being non-sense here. I'll drive to the next Starbucks and grab a mocha. May it will help a little.

Oh yeah, I need to take my pajamas off, brush my teeth, put some clothes on, get the elevator, go to the garage...it seems complicate. It's raining, raining heavily now!

It's so cozy under the blankets....

Dalai Lama

Where is my Self?

Life is sometimes funny!!
Today I woke up, opened the window and I saw a very timid sunshine day, but at least it was a sunshine day. Here in Switzerland it’s a real big deal.

So, after drinking my strong “espresso-wannabe” café, I decided not to turn the computer on as I usually do!
Today I decided for another thing. I love to read. I use to read a lot since I was a little girl. In fact the library’s director of my town went to my house to talk to my parents when I was 13 years old, because she was very preoccupied with me. The reason? I was spending all my time there, at the library, reading. Anyway…

I was searching for something “light” to read. I was searching for an easy text, those that you don’t need to think about it after the reading is finished.
I knew exactly what kind of thing I was looking for.

Well, I have no idea why I think in English as soon I get up off the bed. Anyhow…
I was like: “Where is my Self?” “Where is my Self?” “Where is my Self?”
I was looking for my Self?! How stupid is that?
Yes, that’s right! I was looking for my Self!

And then I realize: what am I asking? Oh oh!!
Ops!! Calm down! Don’t panic! Think first! You can do it!
I freaked out! Do you have any idea what that “simple” question implies! Do you have any idea of the power of this sentence? It could be a real weapons of mass destruction?

Breath! You are just looking for your SELF magazine right now. That’s it!
You don’t need to start a philosophical thinking, again, about your most deep feelings at this time in the morning. You just woke up and even though it's 1 pm, it is still morning for you. (I’m a night person, so I go to bed at 4 or 5 am)

So, I drunk my coffee, I found “the” magazine and I tried to get over it all day long.
Tried to get over it all day long. Funny hum!?
I’m just trying, desperately, to do the opposite way!
I’m so crazy to get my life back on track again, that this stupid morning muddle, “where is my Self”, almost make a huge mess!

I drunk one more coffee and I laughed good!
I survived!