I got the blue

I got the blue. By me

It is so cool. For the first time in my life I got the blue, a huge blue!
My friends are very up set with me because I stopped e-mail them, call them. I did because I never talk about my sad feelings or about my anxious. They know me as the happiest person on earth and I want to keep this way, because my true me is a happy person.

I’m the one who try to put everybody up. I’m the one who talks smiling; I’m the one who people call to get the party start and now I got the blue. The motif I stopped talking to my dear friends was just one: I do not want them to get up set with me. Well, it turned around. Funny!

I’m 40 years old woman, an art historian, a politic person - left of course, an ecological and conscious citizen of the world, Brazilian, I have countless best friend all over the world, I have a husband and a family that love me, I’m a painter, a readaholic, a music lover, a samba dancer and I dance very well, anyway…
Also I’m not a timid person at all. I used to give a speech for 15.000 people, you read right, 15.000.

So, what happened? That is what this blog is about. That’s why I exposed myself like this, to try to re-find the true me. I really miss me!

I think I passed a wrong image of how I'm or how I'm now. I'm not at home 24/7 crying my eyes out. Ok! I live in Switzerland, the boriest country ever, but every 2 weeks I go to France to meet some foreign friends. There we go to a move, theater, coffee shop, and disco. We talk a lot, we laugh a lot. 3 weeks ago I went to Venice to visit a Biennale of Art. In 4 weeks I’m going to Madrid, Valencia and around. In January I’m going to Brazil for my brother’s birthday, my sister-in-law graduation and for carnaval. When I get back here, I’m going to Paris with a friend. So, this sounds boring, or sad? I don’t think so!

I use this blog to wallow every single drop of my sadness of living away. It is working. I'm away from the sunshine Brazil and Brazilians since 1997. Also I turned 40 this year.
I don’t know how many of you turned 40 already. It is not the best thing in life. It’s cool, thou! I like being 40. My body is even better now than 20 years ago. I work out regularly, I have a very health diet, and I hate junk food, and so on...

So, I’m thrilled with the e-mails and messages I got, trying to help me out. Thanks guys! But being with the blue is not that bad. I found beautiful things about me. I traveled deeply inside me to rescue that Leandra who got lost in some airport or highway and I found things that I had forgotten about it. And by the way, is there somebody who never got the blue, or feel a little depressed? I doubt it!

I’m very sensitive and sensible person and also, I think a lot! So, what I have is "just" all those questions about getting older, about what I’m, what I do, what I did and what I will do.

In Portuguese there are 2 verbs for the verb To Be: Ser and Estar.
The verb Ser has an inherent quality and permanent or long-term attributes that seldom if ever change. Eu sou Leandra. I’m Leandra. I will be Leandra forever!

The verb Estar is focused on the present and it’s temporary, changeable. Eu estou triste. I’m sad. I’m not sad for the rest of my life!

"I estou sad!" See, nobody can be sad forever?

Take care!