The pain of losing someone!

This morning I got a call from my mother and I just felt that something was wrong.
Even before she ended asking if everything was fine I interrupted her asking what happened!
She said…. Joviano passed away few hours ago.
I felt a shocked in my heart and I cried sobbing for long time. Even after knowing very well the pain of losing someone I love and care I don’t get used to this pain. He was my father’s first cousin and he was very special to me. Since I moved from my hometown we didn’t talk much, but we didn’t lose our connection.

In February when I was there to carnaval I met him. He looked at me and he said: “I miss our chats, regading a fresh orange juice and fried fish”! I hugged him and I noticed his gray hair. I looked at him and I noticed that time is something unbelievable great. It can take our memory, our innocence, our youthfulness but it can’t take the people we love out of our hearts.
I realized in that moment that I really missed him. He saw some tears in my eyes and he just smiled back.

Well, Joviano was a man with a sweet personality. Nobody ever saw him nervous or screaming or angry on something or someone. He had solutions for everything and everything was made with patient.
From my 12 to my 18 years old I used to go to his house about 3 times a week just before lunchtime to chat with him. We kept sat around the table, eating fried fish that he fished and drinking fresh orange juice and talking until lunched was served.
His wife and his 2 sons were around, but they were fluctuant population. I mean, they didn’t sit everyday with us!
On his table we talked a lot, we laughed a lot. He’s always kept the same tone of his voice. Coming to his house to join him was kind a traditional to me. I knew it was a great thing, I always knew that.

When my father passed away he didn’t change his behavior with me. My father was not just his cousin, but also his dear friend. They grew up together; they got married and lived in the same neighborhood and in the same quarter. Our backyard shares walls until today. It’s because my brother lived in the house we grew up!
Joviano cried the day my father had the accident, but he never talked about that with me.

Some afternoons, when I was in my grandmother’s house that was just in front of his, he just looked at me saying: “Hey you, don’t forget tomorrow!”
Sometimes was his wife who asked me to not forget tomorrow.
When he left to fish, he always made sure I knew it. It was a great occasion when he was back, with plenty of fish do fry. Those times, the table held his sons, his wife and some friends. Occasionally my father, or/and my mother or/and my brother.
Oh God!! Thank you so much for my wonderful childhood and teenager time!!

We liked to chat on the kitchen because it was a place that everybody entered to his house. His wife owns a female boutique in their house and always there were people there to join us, or just fast chat.
The last time we met, I could see my father on his semblance. My father’s gray hair that I didn’t have time to see, I could see on him.

Joviano, I didn’t thank you verbally for treating me as a person when everybody treated me as a “different” person. I was just 12 and you talked to me, you spent time with me in one of the hardest moment of my life. I always feel that you really treated me as a daughter you didn’t have and it was a privilege to me to have you around for so long time!
You and your wife were divine with my baby brother 26 years ago. BTW, they are my brother’s godparents!
Thank you so much for all your caress! There is a lot of wonderful people waiting for you in heaven, included your son Regis!

In 10 days I'm going to Brasil. It will be hard not seeing you there. I disown a deeper pain than the pain of losing someone!