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Abyss-1998, by meI was chatting with a dear friend of mine and she said something that bugs me!
She said that I’m a real woman! Wow! There are so many things going on in this sentence that I would like to think or talk about them separately.
I’m!
What it is? It is not just a pronoun and a verb. It is much more than just a sentence! I’m! Just 2 letters, but heavier than life itself!
The first thought in my mind is the inevitable who am I! Well, I don’t think I have a lifetime to talk about that issue. Yeah, it is an issue, at least for me. There are some palpable things that I can say, for sure, that I know about me. I know my name, the family that I belong to, my age, my nationality, my weight, my height, my profession, my address and things like that.
That was piece of cake!!
Now the hard and painful part that is the fact the cause of the existence of this blog. What is the essential theme of my life that I must be honored by my actions? What I think when I think about myself? Better, how often do I think about myself? Why and for what I’m in this world? Which dreams and aspirations I have? What I really enjoy doing to give me real quality time? Am I a strong or a weak person? The image people have of me is the same image I have for myself?
Oh my God, I have so many questions about who I am.
Since I left Brazil, I became a solitaire. I think I can say that. Before I was always around a lot people, doing so many stuff and I did not think about me at all. I think I knew in a strange way, that I would get that time somehow.
Real! That is so easy form me! It is easy because I’m positive that I don’t know what real means specially in that case. I have no clue if I’m real or if I just put a mask on my face and pretend to be a persona. I really don’t know. I really don’t!
Woman! It is weird, but the first time that I felt like a woman in my life was some months ago. I’m a 40 years woman now! I was in Brazil and I always hated getting my periods and everything its implies. Well, I know that not getting it could be more hateful sometimes.
Anyway… I went to my gynecologist and asked her, please do something to stop it. She did. I went to a clinic and I had a procedure and now I do not have “my friend” coming over to visit me every single month!!
So, after the dizzy from the anesthesia ended, I felt so womanish, so feminine! I said that it was weird. It was the first time I did something for me in that field, female field. Of course I go to my gynecologist every year, and I take all the tests, etc… but it is healthy thing.
Woman! Even though I know I’m a woman by gender, I cannot consider myself a real woman, mainly when I think about those women around the world that assume all responsibilities for life, take all the risk to protect their loved one. Those women that are not afraid of anyone and/or anything, those women that go to work every single day to support their families and do so many things at once.
Well, thank you so much, my dear friend Marli. Thank you for thinking about me in that way, a real woman. I would like to accept it but right now it is too much for me.
Maybe the last day I will blog I will finish it with:
I’M A REAL WOMAN!
I’M A REAL WOMAN!
Take care!
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4 comments:
interesting blog! :) thanks for stopping by mine!
The Rose will glow and love will grow.
And make a spectacular sight
For all that see the Rose,
will see the petals bright?
hibo
Beautiful Painting,, see we both enjoy an O'Keeffe influence, wish I could paint so beautifully,, gorgeous!!
And Bravo!! Bravo!
Being Authentic is our hardest task.
i was reading an important book sometimes ago about the poultry industry , and of course in poultry industry they concentrate a lot on the differences between the male and the female , the hen and the cock , that is because this makes a very big differences on the economical level , the natural and the biological differences between a hen and a cock , the anatomy of the female body , the ovulation process , the size of the breast , the nature of the body and such things
the genius of the hens is that they have no social life like the human beings , they do not dress , they do not go to no universities , they do not drive . there are some hens that are more beautiful and more sexy than the others for sure , and there are some cocks that are more stronger than the others too , but the social life of that herd is just confined to competing for food and beautiful hens , no more no less .no body dedicated the hen her role , not the society , not her mom , not the beauty magazines , not the tv programs . she is driven by only god and her inner natural programme dictated to her by nature , by her own being and her original creation .
but still ; the life of the modern hen is not that simple , no modern hen ever feed her children the way we used to see in the kindergarten colored books , she may never even see her own eggs , they are taken and collected the same minute they are laid , then they are put in a hatchery for 21 days , and then they are fed from the first day of their lives on a certain food , certain amounts of it precisely measured per gram ( about 100 grams per day ) . their meals are put at a certain time to gain a certain weight , at a certain age , for a certain cost . usually the hen that fails to get 2 kilos of weight at the age of 45 days is an evil hen , not liked at all by the owner or the director of the farm , and usually she is sold very low priced .
actually the modern woman is not much different from the modern hen as the modern man is not much different from the modern cock , some kinds of hens are usually slayed at the age of 45 days , other kinds are slayed at the age of 60 depending on the kind of the hen and its race , modern women have simillar life span depending on the kind of the farm they are raised and where they were raised , in Switzerland they live until they are 70 years , in Swaziland , they barely arrive 35 . both the modern hen and the modern girl enjoy the same easy life in air conditioned controlled rooms with pre determined sleeping hours , pre determined food amounts , pre determined separations from the cocks . the modern Brazilian hen ends her life at carfour for 3 dollars a hen , she is usually like the modern Brazilian woman , very exaggerated about the breasts , very common , very cheap , and very tasteless , and can be found everywhere . she leads a very typical life from the minute she is an egg until she is taken to carfour , she is a very typical hen . she is a very typical domesticated hen .
but for you ; you are a 100 % wild hen , a hen that had been against all the domestication's of the modern farms , the lucy farm , the social farm , the American farm , the marriage farm , the swiss farm , the christian farm and the elite farm , you are a wild wild wild hen Leandra , so do not worry , all the wild hens lead a similar life like yours , they never see their way to the supermarket , they never go to carfour . wild hens are rare and pure , they have their own special traits that are never diluted by domestication , they never live in chains or cages , they are never sold per kilo , they have a different fate , but this is another story , a long one and i am already very sleepy , so good night my sweet wild hen , good night
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