Wonder years

"Resistance" by me

Quitting law school after 4 years of hard studying, changing drastically my professional life and getting out of my mom’s house under a very controversy and violent process, all happening at the same period, was extremely tough moment for me.
That time, I though that I would not survive due the outsiders pressure! That day, the day I left my mom’s house, one of my best friends were being buried and also it was deathwatch of a very dear uncle of mine. Besides this huge emotional tearing me apart I had no place to live, no job, no money and no hope at all.

I had absolutely nothing to take with me. What I had was just a huge amount of self-respect what I have lost sometime ago, but thank God I’m in a process of recovering it. I suffered a lot, but each day my proudness to myself increased.

I was hurt, physically and emotionally, as I never went before. I couldn’t feed myself for about 1 week…but as soon as I recovered, I found a job and I started again from ground zero!
When enough is enough we must to something! Rapidly I was shearing a house with a classmate and many wonderful friends didn’t let me down even for 1 second. I have all the support someone needs when tough days knock all doors.

I don’t remember being that happy nor before nor now.
The funniest thing is that every single detail from this time is so fresh in my memory. I had 3 jobs, I was taking 6 courses, I was a very active political and cultural activist and I was volunteer in an Indigenous Museum and in a public daycare! I never managed my time this good!! Of course I had time to party and to “beijo na boca”, that literally means “kiss on a mouth” in Portuguese.

These wonder years became “the” reference guide for my own life!!

Anyway…this post is not about this controversy time even it is related to what I’m living now in a way or another. I’m this kind of human being who takes years to decide over an important thing, but as soon it’s decided I don’t regret it.
I don’t regret absolutely anything that I did or what I do and that’s why I take too long to settle on over important issues.

To be absolutely sure that I’m in a right way, or at least in the way I chose, I like to go very deep into my emotions, suffering every single sensation being it good or bad. I need to weight all the pros and contras, I need to wallow it good and then, after a long reclusion process I can reborn stronger.

So, it’s about time to get into decisions that I’m ruminating for long time, around 2 years now. I’m tempting to toss everything out and start over again as I have done before. The drastic changes I was brave enough to confront, made a very significant improvement in my life and in my attitudes! It may happen again…

As before, I have nothing to lose for the reason that I have lost already!